ADVENTURES IN SHOPPING

by The Girl In Black    [December 6, 2001]
[WeeklyUniverse.com] I'm presently in the process of getting over my social phobia, which has virtually imprisoned me in my own house.  I eventually work up the courage to go out into civilization.

Everything is going fine, I'm strangely feeling quite comfortable around the people!  I go into this store (I'll be so kind not to mention the name of the store, I don't know why) to buy something.

    So I'm grabbing a couple of things, and I notice I have a few customers looking at me.  (Should mention I'm wearing a long black coat).  After a while I get one guy that works there, watching me.  I mean, he was watching me like a hawk.  Then he starts following me around, so I think I might as well have some fun with this, so I start walking around the whole store, and walking around clothes racks so he would run into me.

    Ha ha.

    I end up asking him, what's his problem, and he says there isn't one and he continues to watch me with his annoying smile printed across his face.

    I'm pissed by now, so I walk up to the manager and tell him the whole story, and he says he'll talk to him and it won't happen again.

    So for about ten minutes I talk myself into going back in there, telling myself there's no way it's going to happen again.

    I go back in there, pick up all the stuff I originally was going to buy, and then a man's voice comes from behind me.

    "Excuse me, is there a problem here?"

    I turn around, it's a cop!

    Panic hits me hard, I choked up "ah, no", looking a little confused.

    He starts explaining that I've being seen putting something in my pocket, and asks me to empty them.  My hands start shaking now, I'm thinking, ok calm down, this is making you look sus!  So they're emptied, to only find money.  Everyone is looking at me.  I know what he's thinking -- that I've gone and put back whatever I apparently stole.

    He's asks my details, I somehow manage to say them with my voice shaking.

    He goes and I'm left there with everyone still looking at me and the damn guy who started all this still staring me with that smile.  I drop all the stuff I was going to buy and run out of the store to never return.

    I'm so insulted, that I decide to go home.  I catch the bus, but as soon as I get off, my jacket gets caught in the bus door as it closes!  So I'm thinking, what do I do?, what do I do?

    I could just tug as hard as I could and tear my jacket and be free from the infernal thing, or start screaming out to the bus driver.  Well I really only had one choice in my opinion, screaming out.  There's no way in the world I'm tearing this jacket!

    I start yelling out to the driver.  "My jacket is stuck in the damn door, etc, etc..."  He ends up hearing me after two seconds of driving (thank God) and opens the door.

    Oh what a happy ending, I'm free and all the passengers are laughing.

    Mental notes to self:

       -- stay inside house as much as possible
       -- no long black coats allowed in certain stores
       -- make sure all loose clothing is with me

Copyright 2001 by The Girl In Black.

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