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by Vanessa Cortez, staff writer  [June 5, 2013]






[]  Lurk long enough on any online dating site, and you'll find lots of "ladies" seeking rich guys. "Needy students" looking for "generous benefactors" to assist with their rent or tuition. Gold-digging sugar babies prospecting for sugar daddies. Ho's hunting for Johns.

Which is why the below "rules of the trade" -- posted anonymously on Craigslist -- are so appropriate:



If you seek a wealthy man to take care of you, you want to be a trophy wife. That's not an evil desire, but only a comparatively few women snag sugar daddies. To do so, a woman must meet certain standards and accept the trade-offs:

* You must be young. Twenty-eight still qualifies. Thirty-five, not so much.

* You must be beautiful. Fat does not qualify, even if you call yourself a BBW.

* You need to be sane and safe. No criminal background, ugly divorces, restraining orders, etc.

* No kids. No man wants another man's baggage.

* No tattoos. No piercings. They're trashy.

* Race matters. While men's preferences do vary, the highest demand is for white blond women. African women rank the lowest. It's not fair. It's just the way it is.

* If a man's wealth is your priority, you must lower your standards in other areas -- his height, age, personality, physical attractiveness, etc.

* If you demand a man who's perfect across the board -- wealthy, young, tall, funny, athletic, moral, smart, decent -- you'd better be one hell of a catch.

Most women who imagine they're Awesome and Amazing fall far short of their self-delusions.

And many women with low self-esteem have more to offer than they think. Humility, modesty, kindness, humor, gratitude, and loyalty are attractive qualities that are usually lacking in aspiring sugar babies.



Vanessa Cortez is a phone psychic and tabloid reporter for the Weekly Universe. Read about her supernatural battles against Satantic New Age forces in Hollywood Witches!
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