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by Marcus Rubyman, staff writer [October 10, 2011]




[]  Determined to stop the "wrong person" from being elected president of the United States, the FBI is spying on presidential candidates -- through their television sets!

Even more frighteningly, top TV news babes are "in" on this bizarro FBI conspiracy -- and are even watching the candidates masturbate to them as they report the news!

This startling revelation comes from declared Libertarian Party presidential candidate Robert Milnes, who reports on his campaign website:



"I have assumed for years that I am under FBI/HSD surveillance. Last year I thought up a scheme to test this theory, as well as get some sexual titillation.

"Since they were able to observe me masturbating, certainly via audio surveillance, but also via infrared/radio waves, they would know where and when. If I masturbated in front of my TV regularly, they would be able to determine a pattern in time.

"I decided to pick a news anchorwoman or reporter much along the lines of my previous experience with the FBI and Deborah Knapp. I picked Norah O'Donnell, who was at that time a regularly scheduled anchor live at 3 p.m. weekdays on MSNBC. I could observe her reactions live, mostly Freudian slips which I could interpret.

"Imagine my surprise to soon interpret that she was already getting daily surveillance reports on me, much as Knapp was after my arrest in that case....

"The interpretations were incredibly accurate and exquisitely intimate. I determined that she had never significantly observed a man's sexual organ. Despite being married with three children.... That meant that she was watching me live in front of my TV at home while I was watching her live image on TV.

"This is incredible. How would all this be even possible?

"I began to come to a realization on this. There would have to be a huge secret network of technology, sophisticated equipment and personnel. The TV personnel. would have to be contractually obligated to keep this secret with significant consequences if they did not....

"This is how I figured it must work. If a pulse of energy of known frequency was sent via the satellite signal -- in my case I was using DISH -- or RF cable or DSL phone line, then the actual TV signal removed, an image of the reflected light waves would remain.

"I assume the audio would work similarly allowing eavesdropping....

"Also I'd like to explain my system of interpretation of Freudian slips, body language and acculturation. Later....

"It is very important to get as early a start with this campaign as possible for best chance of success."


For more information on the FBI's secret surveillance of Robert Milnes's masturbatory practices -- or to help finance Milnes's presidential campaign! -- visit Robert W. Milnes.


Marcus Rubyman is a Los Angeles based tabloid reporter who investigates UFOs and the paranormal. Read more of his journalism in Hollywood Witches.
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